Speaking of God...he is merciful. I may have gotten the tough stick in life but He's not going to leave me alone for it. And even though I feel like punching her sometimes, it was my pre-mortal self who agreed to this life. I used to be heartbroken and bitter that I seemed to have so much potential and creativity for so many different things, but that I was too sick to pursue them. Dancing, sports, music (instruments), art, photography, makeup, acting, writing, ect. Plus the things I have pursued but could be even greater at; costuming, modeling, singing, ect. I know I have great artistic vision but you can't truly pursue something without the health.
Anywho, ever since I heard my "early death sentence", the Lord has made me understand, very clearly, that all these dreams are promised to me. Not just in the next life, but in this one. Not even afar off. And that I CAN win this fight. The way He let me know was by giving me loads of ideas, artistic vision, and enthusiasm; accompanied by the Spirit saying, "This is who you are and I didn't put it there so you couldn't achieve it." It's hard to explain feelings that can't be put into words. But somehow I can feel He's there holding me up, motivating me, so I can be "Angela." My life isn't about suffering.
Oh and I can't forget to mention that a week ago I started a new medication for the emotional rollercoaster that I am, and it seems to be working. I seem to be a little more capable of deciding how I'm going to feel. Kinda soon to tell for sure, but I hope it's true! If it is, it's no coincidence. I need to be in control if I'm going to keep up a regimen. The incident of me getting out on the town, singing/dancing/acting like a fool in my car, to my "The Script" music, is hopefully a testament to a change.
Don't stop your prayers and support though! I will still have low times, like ALWAYS happens, but hopefully they will be less destructive. I especially need you, my family! A LOT! Please help me keep going.
|My male muses ;)|